Adventures in Gay Bingo

First I must say, Gay Bingo is the most fun ever! If you live in the DFW area or if there is such an event in your area, you must go right now. Seriously.

The Outfit:
I debated what to wear to an event titled "Double Wide: One Man's Trash is Another Man's treasure". My original idea was to go buy a moo moo, for lack of a better word. I headed to Walmart & ick - I honestly didn't think I could wear that in public even as a joke. So I was searching Walmart debating buying NASCAR pajama pants & wearing them in public when Liz called & said she thought she had some overalls with Tweety Bird on them, and they might be shorts. OMG. Perfect. I also found some jellies - ick. I scouted out my options, like what kind of sponge rollers they sell at wallyworld & left with nothing. I had to see my muse - the overalls - to get it all together. Liz sent me a picture - she did find overalls, they didn't have Tweety Bird but they were pretty bad. I found a strapless bandana material top in my closet (I can't believe I ever wore this for real, though I was in Vegas, but still). It would be perfect if I wore a regular bra. And where is my blue eyeshadow? I am happy to report that no blue eyeshadow lives in my house, I would have to buy some. I found Mardi Gras beads in my vanity drawer to wear as my jewelry (doesn't everyone have Mardi Gras beads on hand? no? hmm, ok). I knew I was on the right track when I hit Walmart on my way to pick up Liz for a few things to complete my outfit & I headed to the checkout with my I Love My Eyes blue eyeshadow, sponge rollers, & my red jellies. The not very sophisticated checkout girl said, and I quote, "Them is some cute shoes for the summer, and they are on sale for $3! And it's tax free weekend." I stared at her in disbelief. Um, no they aren't cute, I'm buying them to poke fun at people that think they are cute, and tax on these shoes are about..oh, I don't know, a quarter! I'll put it in my house fund - I'm sure the mortgage company will be impressed. And by the way, the shoes were only $5 to begin with. But I didn't want to insult her so I simply said "Aren't they?" and moved on thinking they must be perfect. Because somehow I think that girl was raised in a double wide.

When I got to Liz's she was still in her nightgown. Her husband had told her that she really needed to get dressed & she told him she was dressed. See, she grew up in East Texas & had just spent a weekend there. She attended a wedding & in true trailer couture, some ladies AT A WEDDING were in the dress she uses as a nightgown. Perfect. So we both made out eyelids scream BLUE and curled up our hair. The Liz made the topper to my outfit - a sash made out of a trash bag that says "Miss Louisiana Trailer Park 1990." In the car on our way to meet everyone else we passed a Uhaul. Welcome to Texas. Everything you have heard is true. I bet those people are still hiding in their new house afraid to meet their neighbors.


Betty, Annise, Me - I can't believe I'm posted this picture of me but you need to know.

Lunch:
Just a tip for ya. If you dress like trailer trash, don't meet for a late lunch at one of the most fashionable areas in your town. Oh, but we did. We met at Cafe Express at Mockingbird Station. Oh yes, we did. Three of us went up to order at the same time - it is safer to travel in groups. I ordered wine, naturally, and told the guy that I really needed some & he did realize that we were going to a costume party, right? He admitted that he was wondering why we were dressed like that. I commended him on being professional & waiting on us as though we were dressed like normal people. People did check us out but honestly, not as much as I imagined. Mostly I think they ignored us for being unfashionable but in that neighborhood, I would expect the same treatment if I was dressed in my non-designer duds from Target. We also got our final accessory - Annise brought us all candy cigarettes, which have somehow become the mascot for all of our major get togethers but actually served a purpose in this case.

Annise is pregnant & this is the first time that I've seen her in a few weeks & dang, that baby grew. It couldn't have been more perfect. Right?


The Event:
So the actual bingo was SO FUN. We had a big group so we had reserved tables up in the front. The event is held at a club called S4 & this club has drag shows on Saturday nights at like 11:00 - when all of us ladies that live in the suburbs are already sleeping. The stage was set up like a scene from Jerry Springer & there were skits, including a cat fight.



There was also dancing by extremely cute unshirted men. Btw, I finally know where all the cute men in Dallas are! at gay bingo looking for each other apparently.


The music was great, they serve you drinks, bingo was fun, if you call bingo incorrectly you go to bingo jail - these girls don't mess around! Two ladies in our group actually won some cash ($95 & $119). It's for sure a do over - we will be going back. Hopefully the outfits will not always be so horrifying. But the fun will be the same.